Heartbroken

What does heartbroken feel like? I wish I didn’t know…

But I do know.

I know what it tastes like- Bitter. Burnt. You’re about to choke. The flavor lingers.

I know what it looks like- Fetal position in the shower. Rocking, shivering. Water slithering down your back.

I know what it sounds like- Nothing and everything. Everyone’s laughing, but you can’t hear it. Freight trains screech down the rails.

I wish I could only feel it.

I almost had it all. But then in an instant, I had nothing…

Thesis: Defended.

My graduate school career has officially come to an end!!! After working on draft after draft of my thesis, mindlessly editing and organizing every word, it is complete. I submitted it to my thesis committee members last week for their final review and my defense meeting was scheduled for Tuesday at noon. I took the day off from work, headed over to campus early, and tried to prepare for the kinds of questions that I would be asked during the meeting. I really did not know what to expect, other than offering a brief summary of my research and main findings. Once we entered the conference room, my anxiety started to rise as the panel of professors started to ask me really questions like, “What do you mean by this statement here on page 38?” and “Why did you run your analyses this way?” In all, they asked about 15 to 20 questions while I tried my best to follow them up with reasonable answers.

After a few hours in the meeting, the panel decided that a few changes needed to be made (just minor additions, thank goodness). After which, they would give their signatures on my petition of completion (the official document proving that my thesis has been approved). So, I busily made changes over the next two days, scrambling to obtain my needed signatures and meet the new deadline of Thursday, the 13th (the deadline was supposed to be on Friday the 14th, but since that day was furloughed, the deadline was pushed up). Then I focused on formatting the final document and trying to track down members of my committee for their signatures (after all, it is summer break). After a very stressful week, I submitted my completed draft to the university for binding and ordered a copy for myself to keep.

Eric is taking me out to a fancy dinner and a movie later today to celebrate. I can’t believe that I actually completed this huge task! It hasn’t really hit me yet that I’m really done with school now. I’m sure it will soon :).

I’m on a boat!

My dad and his wife Sally invited us to go boating on Saturday. I’m not much of a boat person, nor am I one to do much of any kind of summer sun activity (for fear of awful sunburns that is… I can burn in a matter of minutes and remain lobster red for more than a week), but we thought it might be fun and- for once- we didn’t have any plans! So, along with my sister and her husband, the six of us launched out of Antioch and coasted around the delta, took a break to eat lunch, took turns skiing and tubing, and swam around to cool off.

The last time I had been on a ski boat was when I was probably about 10 or 12 years old. Family on the twice-removed side (I’m not even going to try for technicalities anymore) had a vacation home and a boat on the delta and often invited us out during the summer. That was when I first learned how to water ski, wearing kids’ training skis that were tied together and hanging on to a pole that extended out of the side of the boat. Eventually I graduated to being pulled behind the boat, but I would usually only last a few seconds before losing my balance and plunging face first. I have very fond memories of those good times!

I was hesitant this time around to even attempt to ski, but after watching Elaine get right up on her feet the very first time, I knew I had to at least try! So I strapped on a life vest and a pair of skis and jumped in. I was worried that I wasn’t going to be able to keep the skis parallel, but I surprised myself- luck must have been on my side or the water must have been unusually calm that day- because I got up every time I tried! Granted, I ate it a few times when other boats’ wakes would make me lose my balance, but I managed to coast along behind the boat for a few good stretches. After a while we decided to try tubing, so Elaine and I hopped in the tube for two and hung on for life as my dad did figure eights down the canals. It was a blast.



Unfortunately, Eric was involved in a stupid (yet minor) car accident at work a few days earlier, and decided not to ski, since it could aggravate his neck or back. I would have loved to see him try, since he has never water skied before. Hopefully next time he’ll be able to participate.

In the end, I escaped with no sunburn (horray for spray sunscreen) but instead woke up incredibly sore the next day… oh well. We’re still looking forward to going again! And I've managed to figure out how to upload and edit (albeit elementary editing) on my iMac!! Enjoy a brief video of myself below...